There are many humorous changes surrounding maturity that take place in the human body, such as hair in strange places, love for uninspired musical drivel, and indeed a complete unawareness surrounding physical appearance i.e. the ability to dress oneself. But that's not the purpose of today's meanderings, my focus is on true unflinching adulthood. When you finally hang up your vintage stundent-ee boots, lay down your liberal/socialist banner and join the ranks of the main streamers.
1. "There's no where to go anymore"Let's start the list with this, the most popular gripe of my generation, of course there are! The only difference is that were no longer aware of them. We must face the fact that a whole other generation has risen up beneath our feet and usurped our throne, CROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. "Music isn't what it used to be"
This is a personal favorite of mine, and a mistake repeated by every generation past and present, presumably since the first neolithic man collided two rocks together in a rhythmic fashion, and thought it sounded boss. This misguided notion states that their particular 'scene' is somehow more authentic, and has some sort of 'innate' truer meaning. There has always been, and always will be immensely talented musicians of all epochs; it's merely the case that it gains some sort of higher transcendental meaning to you because of you youth.
Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.-Fight Club
3. "Didn't I used to be interesting?"
No, you merely have the time now to introspect, to recognize the vacuous waste land in your personality. No longer are you distracted by the continual buffet of superfluous activities we had on offer, we are now, at last, forced to reconcile our idealized self image, with realities grotesque interpretation. But do not despair! Use this as an opportunity to grow, to reinvent yourself, to cultivate the personnel attributes that you desire, the person that you want to be. The alternative is a depressingly meaningless existence, spent fantasying over time past. Or as my old lecturer used to hurtle across the class room:
4. "I'm unfulfilled, baby or marriage?"
Okay, so you have finally got that job you hate, with a person you can tolerate, bored, what's next? I can't be the only one who has noticed the worrying trend of engagement related 'statements'. Because nothing says eternal love like a temporary 6 month engagement, and if that's not your game how about bringing a new to this sphere of knob jockeys. Now I have nothing against children, It's my job actually, but seriously ladies...has some form of mass synchronization of your wombs taken place? To some, a baby is like an accessory, to a perceived lifestyle or yet another form of competition over ones peers. Creating life is a tremendous privilege, not a right just because you find yourself human.
5. "Hipsters!"
For those readers thinking I've been a tad pessimistic in this installment, we could do a lot worse. You could be this guy, dressed as lumberjack for some reason, despite never actually doing any form of physical work. The extent of his actual exertion being the lifting of some sort of pretentiously over priced cocktail drink. While simultaneously, tucking into his bowl of fair trade sourced hummus; immediately followed by numerous quasi-political rants about a some middle eastern conflicts they know nothing about, while comparing shopping tips for even skinnier jeans. I'm puzzled as to why this affliction claims so many of us, perhaps if we could locate hipster patient zero we could finally end this pandemic.
'Nostalgia is like heroine for old folk.'
4. "I'm unfulfilled, baby or marriage?"
Okay, so you have finally got that job you hate, with a person you can tolerate, bored, what's next? I can't be the only one who has noticed the worrying trend of engagement related 'statements'. Because nothing says eternal love like a temporary 6 month engagement, and if that's not your game how about bringing a new to this sphere of knob jockeys. Now I have nothing against children, It's my job actually, but seriously ladies...has some form of mass synchronization of your wombs taken place? To some, a baby is like an accessory, to a perceived lifestyle or yet another form of competition over ones peers. Creating life is a tremendous privilege, not a right just because you find yourself human.
5. "Hipsters!"
For those readers thinking I've been a tad pessimistic in this installment, we could do a lot worse. You could be this guy, dressed as lumberjack for some reason, despite never actually doing any form of physical work. The extent of his actual exertion being the lifting of some sort of pretentiously over priced cocktail drink. While simultaneously, tucking into his bowl of fair trade sourced hummus; immediately followed by numerous quasi-political rants about a some middle eastern conflicts they know nothing about, while comparing shopping tips for even skinnier jeans. I'm puzzled as to why this affliction claims so many of us, perhaps if we could locate hipster patient zero we could finally end this pandemic.
(Notice that authentic axe look)
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