Confessions of a "Manic Depressive"

Experienced by many; understood by but a few, I have here laid out a rather personal account, of my experiences with this condition. Otherwise known as 'Bipolar' it translates to two extremes in something i.e. positive and negative, that is contained within one entity. In a psychological context it represents experiencing prodigious intensities of emotion, from dizzying/euphoric highs to plummeting bouts of despair.

Long misunderstood and stigmatised, I have wrestled with it for not only my entire adult life, but the majority of my adolescence too. It comes to define you as a person, both in the favourable and the unfortunate. Although recognised as a mental illness, it rarely receives the acceptance it rightly deserves, due to it's subjective nature. As the illness itself cannot be directly observed, many fail to be correctly diagnosed, indeed by themselves or by qualified professionals.

The first thing you need to understand about manic depressives, is that most of us would choose it, over living a more conventional lifestyle. Although prone to severe, and sometimes psychotic episodes with little or no cause or warning. We also encounter insurmountable waves of creativity in whatever we do, combined with an indomitable will and almost desperate determination to move forward.

As if the very ground beneath our feet was set a blaze with the fiercest heat imaginable. In these moments, no obstacle is beyond our grasp. Engulfed with a sublime confidence/arrogance, the sensation is hard to quantify in words.

There is of course the sinister flip side of this state of being, but here to; there are myriads of misconceptions. Firstly is that of the cause; most people infer depression in a purely pragmatic sense i.e "I lost my job, or friend or loved one" etc "So I'm sad now". Manic Depression is different, affecting the poor and privileged alike, your circumstances are irrelevant. There is no convenient 'cause' to observe or label to assign, an episode can strike at any time, place or circumstance regardless of your condition.

I've heard other suffers describe it as a dark and menacing cloud ,that follows them throughout their lives, always being without an umbrella at the mercy of this emotional downpour. It's an astute example to demonstrate the vicarious way you have no choice but to live. Imagine always being at the mercy of such a twisted creature, dictating how you are going to feel on that particular day.

Despite it's widespread prevalence (millions within the uk), affecting individuals from all walks of life, it remains difficult to quantify. Victims include Stephen Fry, Friedrich Nietzsche, Ernest Hemingway, Charles Dickens and far more amusingly and unexpectedly, examples such as Jean Claude Van Damme.

I have included below a rather courageous account from Stephen Fry on some of his experiences with the disorder, demonstrating the unbelievable effect it has had on his life. Including his suicide attempts; it alludes a true insight into the illness suffered by so many. I've always thought when ending something, someone has always said it better.

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

5 Things You Didn't know, or Perhaps Want to Know, About Christopher Hitchens

Being a renowned contrarian, polemicist, philosopher, journalist, and of course a bestselling writer, not forgetting an avid, out spoken socialist, and some would say champion of the working class; Hitchens' career has spanned the width and breadth of the earth, writing numerous best sellers such as “God is Not Great” and “Thomas Jefferson: Author of America” as well as regularly contributing to both Vanity Fair and The New Statesman.

If religious instruction were not allowed until the child had attained the age of reason, we would be living in a quite different world. -God is Not Great.

His unique style of indignant vehemence, gained him adoration from both friend and foe alike, never being one to back down from any struggle he felt strongly about. Hitchens was also one of the few political figures at the time that supported the decision to invade/liberate Iraq, seeking those illusive weapons of mass destruction, never faltering in his resolve that is was the right thing to do.

I've composed a list of five things that may surprise you about the legend himself; both in the negative and the positive, they stand as a testament to his provocative yet enchanting character.

1. He’s probably the only man in recorded history to be spanked by Margaret thatcher. Now most days I wish this was not true, but nay. Life is rarely that forgiving. Not long after Margaret Thatcher’s ascension into power, Christopher had the pleasure/misfortune, depending I suppose, on your political denomination, of meeting the fair lady. Being the type of man that he was, he immediately picked a fight with the fearsome Iron lady over a point regarding Britain’s political stance on Rhodesian/Zimbabwean policy.After Hitchens conceded on a point, the Prime Minister then instructed him to bow, and then to “bow lower”.  Calmly paced to his rear, pulled out a parliamentary order-paper and spanked him on the behind; exclaiming “naughty boy.” Knowledge I find is sometimes a double edged sword; it can be both beautiful… and piercingly horrific.
   
2. During the Salman Rushdie scandal around his work ‘The Satanic Verses’ and the subsequent Fatwa declared against him. Christopher became an indefatigable ally, declaring it a matter of free speech and to be defended at all costs. Even taking Salman into his own home at a time when there had been repeated assignation attempts. He immediately understood that the conflict was considerably bigger than just one man, it was a war against fanaticism, violence and bigotry itself.Indeed across the entire Muslim world, writers and journalists and artists were being censored; accused of causing blasphemy and offence and literary expression itself was at stake. I feel Rushdie himself summarizes him best here in Vanity Fair.
   
   “He was an intellectual with the instincts of a street brawler”
3. There aren't many journalists out there that back up their beautifully crafted, intellectual opinions with genuine action; Christopher however is one such splendid exception. I'm not sure if you’re all familiar with ‘water-boarding’ it’s a term applied to a rather unsavoury torture method, which employs continual submersions against your volition, which has the effect of simulating drowning.After Vanity Fair asked numerous journalists and reporters to undertake water-boarding. Hitchens was one of the few who agreed and not only went through with it, but immediately asked for it to be repeated so he could improve his time. This level of divine stupidity deserves our universal respect.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2008/08/hitchens200808 http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/12/16/christopher-hitchens-on-waterboarding-mother-teresa-and-more-controversial-moments-video.html

4. You remember that religious icon? That living saint and Nobel prise winner Mother Teresa? That untouchable symbol of mercy and indeed human charity itself?  Well, apparently Hitchens did not get that memo. He was highly scornful of her stances on contraception, female empowerment, and indeed attempted to expose her as a fraud and fanatic until his last breath. Controversial would be an understatement, judgement I will leave to the reader.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/iv-drip/academics-suggest-hitch-called-it-right-on-mother-teresa-8521363.html
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WQ0i3nCx60]

5. Changing Sides

Historically a staunch defender of the Left (socialist), towards the end of his life he defected, becoming a neo-conservative. Despite his working class roots and love for all things red ;) Throughout his career he had received considerable criticism for the way in which he would change his position as new information became available.

For me this is an essential attribute of greatness, to not become dogmatic, get bogged down and ignore one’s rationale. Although I do not agree with many of his political stances, I nevertheless respect his commitment to reason immensely. Although I'm certain he would not think so, I acknowledge his tremendous courage and morn his passing as an astoundingly astute mind and a warrior for all things human.

I feel it's only appropriate to end with the man himself; here's my favourite quote, suitable for any social occasions.

"The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics."

Age of The Cynic

We live in a cynical age, everything has already been done, said, experienced and lived, by men and women far greater than us.  So many do not try and simply content themselves with the mediocre, never truly allowing themselves to experience there birth right. Do not be fooled for this is the most insidious of illusions, the true injustice of our age! From your very first breath you are unique, you are special and you have worth. Strive for what you feel is just and true, love without compromise or regret; fight for what you feel is right and be not concerned with fear or doubt for it is a passing thing.

Idea's

They cannot be owned, stolen or hidden. They are universal to all, the true currency to man, regardless of your age, race or difference, they can understood by all. Never let people of power fool you  into thinking anything else; for they are the only truly equalizing force in this universe.

A life without pain?

Misery is the greatest of teachers; it keeps us humble when we become arrogant. It instructs us through contrast the true value of happiness and joy, and forever connects us through the human condition, with other souls who feel it to. One of the few universals in this world, the key to happiness lies not in the avoidance of pain, but instead in the acceptance of it's true essential life affirming nature.

Altruism...fact or fiction?

In this following chapter we are going to be delving into the possibility of the altruistic act; of whether a human being can act in a completely selfless way for no self serving reason nor for glory, riches, fame, monetary gain or even social praise and acceptance. This question is not only of tremendous philosophical importance but in terms of the everyday life, understanding this issue could help us explain a huge contributing factor in our behavior, knowing if we live purely for ourselves or for others.

A great example for the case of human kindness below:

There are many perspectives to this debate biological, cultural and psychological and so with that in mind I have included some of thought on the subject in an attempt to shed some light on why we do the things that we do. Perhaps in the process being able to reconcile it within ourselves, that we are not purely mechanical automatons or purely selfish demons; which are seeking continual short term gratifications. Biologically we are described as nothing more than wonderfully complicated machined pre-programmed by innate instincts that lay within us, swaying our every judgment and that of survival of the fittest, endlessly moving forward and never stopping to ask why. This seemingly endless and mindless pursuit of our genetic destiny, too in some small way gain immortality, to pass on our DNA to the next generation and therefore in some circular fashion justifying our existence, continuing to continue our own existence. In this Darwinian interpretation of events there is little room for free will I’m afraid, least not in the way you might normally come to understand it, every action we take no matter how well it is concealed in social etiquette etc which would be nothing more than biological determinism. Evolution is the survival of the fittest! Were supposedly only the strong survive and the weak perish under the sands of time, to be forever forgotten, whether this argument is truly applicable for the reasoning human animal however is up for debate.

Qualities such as compassion should not be possible in this highly deterministic approach however as you are undoubtedly aware within our society the weak are far from abandoned, in fact historically great lengths have been taken to protect and safe guard the helpless, those who were considered 'weak' such as women and children or the 'mentally ill' those unconventional thinkers. This is seemingly going against any genetic advantage one would gain from it since caring for those who cannot support themselves is in fact a large drain on recourses, society is obviously a factor but to what extent does it contain a type of collective conscious whereby as a species there is advantages from taking care of the weak. Which leads us to a myriad of other issues of environmental factors influencing our decision making abilities or the 'nature vs. nature’ discourse, are we merely conditioned into positive and negative responses?

What do you think?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism